maryyy

I am sorry that I have been a bad friend to you. Im sorry that I was so uptight with this happy life and all, that I forgot I lost such a good friend like you. I forgot about the trauma that I went through when you are gone. I forgot about how I may die someday and meeting you there. I forgot to say a little prayer for you before I sleep. I forgot to even visit your beautiful home even when I have promised. Afiqhizami, Bro, like I told you before when you are sleeping comfortably in your peaceful house, and that when I see a moon, it will remind me that you are there looking down at us. I am thankful that you carved a smile (crescent moon) on my very birthday. As I am typing this with tears in my eyes, I want you to know that I love you and you will always be in my memories. My Batok Boy, My fellow Westsiders, My Matrep, My Brother, for life.

Al-Fateha.

Muhammad Afiqhizami Bin Ghazali
15 October 1989 - 12 December 2009

I thank you all for the surprise, the celebrations and the fun times we had together. I never thought that my 22nd would be such a blast and definitely, a memorable one. I love you people and thank you, once again.

(Source: poeticheartache, via poeticheartache)

One year has passed. It’s 2011 already. Time passes so fast and here we are, a year older. As I am sipping a cup of hot chocolate on a nice warm bed, I just want to pen down my thoughts on highlights from 2010.

First, I didn’t managed to complete any of my resolutions as I forgot what I have verbally said a year ago. So, skip that part. Bangkok Trip I had with Boyf, best friend Juraidah and her best friend, Farisha, marks my first as traveling solo without the parents. Though I had issues with the Boyf sister for almost making the trip cancelled, I managed to enjoy the trip and it was the bestest one I had ever have.

Life was indeed perfect as I scored the perfect legal age on February 8th. Party was awesome, although I prefer chalet than my own comfort house. I wished I was 18 and looking smoking hot.

Work has been one of the most awesome job ever, till now. I smell negativities about me at some point of time, but heck, as long as I’m still working, well, that’s too bad for you. Awesome colleagues do come and go, but the true one stays, till present. And I am blessed to have colleagues or I might just call them as brothers and sisters to me.

On that same year itself, I lost the ability to connect with my own parents. I felt that I wasn’t even needed in the family, though I am the only child in the house. I have a step brother, who broke up with the ex girlfriend, whom I treat her as my own elder sister. It’s a waste, indeed. I also have a step sister, of which is my step brother’s twin, got married recently and I hated her. She embarrassed me and my family by calling off an engagement ceremony to a well off man from Malaysia at my very own house. And now, she’s married to some guy with a daughter. I swear that I will never invite you to my big day.

Family, is the main factor that I’m most affected. Mother is minding her own business with some man whom I don’t even know whether he is existed. Dad, is still being as “bo-chap” just like the old years. Both parents are being hypocritical at a very old age and at times, I really gave up on them.

Friends, the one who stays and the one who goes. I appreciate the one who stays through my difficult times. The most memorable one is the reconciliation of my 13 year old friendship with my best friend, Liyana. I have realized that I am lost without her as my best friend. Now that we have put the past behind us, I will ensure that I will treasure this friendship till the end of time. For the one who goes, there’s always a reason why it happened. Truth is indeed hurtful and letting go, it’s the only choice to move on.

Relationship, has been stabilized for year of 2010. No major breakup nor timeout. Just a major argument that almost lead to separation. I am aware that this things are inevitable, but Alhamdulillah, God saved us from all this mishaps. I realized that I starting to change for the better, for myself, for him and for the relationship. It was truly an amazing journey now that we have marked the 3rd year. This year will be the 4th. I thank God for Muhammad Khairi, the man of my life. And now, we are moving a step higher in our relationship, and that is, engagement. Insyallah, it will be held in May / June.

As for myself, I still haven’t make a huge improvement in terms of career and education. Well, as much as I want to study and financial matters is what restrains me from doing so. Career, till today, I am clueless as to what career should I be in. I know, I can’t be staying in Zoo doing my part time job all the time. I’m hoping for a better future for myself, Insyallah.

I shall keep my resolution as simple as possible and that is,
- The ability to secure a full time job.
- To be Muhammad Khairi’s fiancee.
- To live life as happy as possible.

Have a great year ahead everybody!
Happy 2011!

Something that I haven’t been doing for the longest time ever. That is to pen down my thoughts. Life had been a roller coaster ride. Im sick of this. Im sick of every single time when I have to pen something down, it has to be my pathetic life. The cursed one.

Questions after questions running through my mind, “Why do I have to be born in this world with this kind of state I’m in?” It comes to the most important word, “WHY?” Why don’t I ever feel happy about my life. Why do I have to be put to misery after misery after misery. The perception of people regarding an only child is describe as someone who is carefree, lots of freedom and a very pampered individual. Know me, and I’ll tell you that I beg to differ.

Crisis between parents and a FUCKING stable job has been the most difficult journey I have ever come across. The pain of swallowing the fact that I declined the job offer recommend by the mother hasn’t subside till now. To be exact, it’s week 2 now. Why would I stay to the job that I barely knew the basic knowledge of it. Fuck that remuneration aside, I just need something that I’m comfortable of doing it, even if it means that I have to travel far. I have exactly 25 freaking days to prove her that I will get a fucking job. What kind of a deal is that?

I’m at a very confused state of mind and I need to straighten things out. I don’t need sarcasms to push me, or endless nagging that purely doesn’t mean a thing. All I need from a parent is just an emotional support. Nothing much, but a genuine one would mean a whole world to me. I guess, with cold hard cash being spread on the table right in front of their faces, would then just shut them up.

Catch up with ya’ll later.